


Cave Me In

by FromAnotherSun



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Kinda, Kinda?, Post-Season 4, post-reveal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-23
Updated: 2019-05-23
Packaged: 2020-03-09 22:03:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18925879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FromAnotherSun/pseuds/FromAnotherSun
Summary: Post-reveal.Some things take time, but sometimes there just isn't time.





	Cave Me In

**Author's Note:**

> This is set after Season 4's finale, so spoilers ahoy. Proceed at your own risk.

It’s too late.

That’s all Lena thinks as she stares at her phone, two messages from Kara shining up at her.

_Can I come over tonight?_

_I have something important to tell you._

Lena clenches her phone tightly before dropping it unceremoniously on her desk. It falls there with a thud, hollow and empty, much like how she feels right now.

She has an idea of what Kara wants to say—it’s probably the thing she should have said months and months and months and _years_ ago—but it’s too late.

It’s too late, Lena thinks as she buries her face in her hands. Lex has already dropped the ball, turning words into knives the way he always did best, shoving them into her gut and twisting them to wrench out as much pain as possible. It’s almost a shame he isn’t here anymore, actually. Lena’s sure he would have enjoyed seeing how much his sister is agonizing over the fact that her best friend has lied to her face for years.

Her phone beeps again. It’s still Kara.

_Please?_

The distinct lack of emojis and the succinctness of her messages further confirm Lena’s hunch. She almost wants to laugh; she’s gotten so good at reading between Kara’s lines, so adept at picking up the things she doesn’t say, so attuned to the changes in her mood, so _aligned_ with her… and yet it seems like she never really knew Kara at all.

Well, it’s too late anyways.

Lena has already gone through an entire spectrum of emotions—all negative, as she’s sure Lex would have been pleased about. A shattered picture frame sits facedown at the corner of her desk, the proof of her anger and resentment, and yet another empty glass sits next to it, the remnants of her grief and despair.

Right now, all that remains is bitterness and exhaustion. Lena doesn’t have the energy to be furious anymore; her rage has worn itself out—worn _her_ out—and all she feels now is the acrid weariness that always comes after her heart overflows. So many unanswered questions swirl around in her mind like ghosts, but she doesn’t want to dwell on them anymore. She doesn’t have the strength for that, nor does she have the willpower to figure out how to reply to Kara.

Lena sighs.

It’s pathetic how she can’t even answer a yes or no question.

_No, I don’t want to see you. You’ve been lying to me this entire time._

_Yes, I want to see you even though you’ve been lying to me this entire time._

Her heart swings like a pendulum between the two despite the pain gnawing at her bones. It sways side to side at the same pace of her heartbeat, a slow, steady rhythm that keeps her trapped squarely in the middle. It _should_ be easy to say no, to turn away the person who never truly let Lena in... and yet it’s not. As stupid as it is, a part of her longs for Kara, might always long for Kara, and Lena can’t seem to stamp it out.

It’s too late.

Lies or not, Kara has already nestled her way into Lena’s chest, sitting inside her soul like a beacon of warmth and comfort. Lena _knows_ that’s an illusion, a delusion of her own making (denial, as pointed out oh so helpfully by Lex), and yet she still covets it, treasures it all the same. God, it’s like a part of her has already forgiven Kara, will always forgive Kara, and Lena can’t quite forgive herself for that.

Of course, she’s still upset. She’s not sure how she’ll react the next time she sees Kara, be it tonight or tomorrow night or next week or next month or next year. Maybe she’ll throw things, yell, curse, cry, maybe she’ll even try to hit the Girl of Steel for all the good that’ll do. She’ll probably hurt herself more with that last option, but that’s how it always goes, isn’t it? Lena tries, Lena feels, and Lena gets hurt.

Lena sighs again.

She doesn’t want to think about this anymore.

The exhaustion creeps up behind her eyes, forcing them shut as wrath begins simmering under her skin once more. It’s a slow burn this time, fortunately, so she manages to curb it and set it aside. For now.

God, her head hurts. Her _heart_ hurts.

Everything hurts.

Lena takes a deep breath before letting it out slowly. It eases the pressure building inside her  chest even if just a little bit. Another measured exhalation further releases the tension coiled within her, appeasing the silent scream waiting to be let out.

She’ll deal with this later, Lena finally decides as she silences her phone. She’ll deal with Kara later.

She’ll deal with her heart later.

* * *

It’s too late.

That’s all Lena thinks as she watches the news.

The off-screen reporter barely has it together, yelling and blubbering in shock and confusion. Lena doesn’t blame him, not really. Most of National City just witnessed some seemingly human terrorist punch Supergirl through a building.

And she hasn’t gotten back up.

The camera is glued to the pile of rubble that Supergirl—  _Kara_ landed in, and there’s no movement. Her foe approaches the rubble with menacing triumph written all over his face and—is that a hint of green in the glow of his fists?

Lena feels sick.

Her headache is back, stronger than ever before. Her emotions are, predictably, a mess as well. She’s still trying to properly reconcile the fact that Kara Danvers is Supergirl, trying to compute the fact that her (ex?) best friend is the city’s savior, trying to comprehend the fact that Kara, _her_ Kara with all her flustered smiles and reassuring grins, is currently laying in a pile of concrete.

And she _still_ hasn’t gotten back up.

The déjà vu of the moment isn’t lost upon Lena. She recalls seeing a similar scene before, last time directly from the sidelines as Reign defeated Supergirl. She remembers the horror of seeing the Girl of Steel, beaten and bloody and— _oh god_ , that was _Kara_ , wasn’t it?

Lena really thinks she’s going to be sick.

Fortunately, Dreamer shows up (Lena feels a tingling notion that she knows who’s behind that particular mask) to take on the threat, and some black clad DEO agents take the chance to check on Supergirl.

It’s too late.

Supergirl almost seems corpse-like as they extract her from the destruction, her eyes completely shut as her limbs hanging loosely. There’s hardly any blood this time, thankfully, but there’s no sign of life coming from the normally vibrant heroine as she’s swiftly carried away and put in a van.

Lena forces down the bile in her throat.

Turning off her TV and picking up her phone in one smooth motion, she calls one of her assistants.

“Clear my schedule for the day and have my car brought up to the front, please.”

“Right away, Miss Luthor. We’ll take care of your meeting.”

Her secretary’s reply is quick and prompt; perhaps her employees have come to expect her to rush to Supergirl’s aid, and they’re not wrong. This wouldn’t be the first time she did so, and Lena knows in her heart that it won’t be the last. There’s a new desperation in her movements as she rushes down to the lobby though, an urgent need to make sure Kara is okay.

Kara may be a liar, Lena muses. She may be a liar and the fabric of their relationship may be built upon falsehoods… but she’s still _Kara_ , isn’t she?

Lena hasn’t even had the chance to confront Kara about anything yet. She hasn’t had the chance to have her questions answered, hasn’t had the chance to challenge the ambiguity plaguing her, hasn’t had the chance to make them face the truth together. She hasn’t had the chance to _heal_ yet, heal in the way that Kara always made her hope she could.

This can’t be how this ends. This can’t be how _they_ end.

It _can’t_ be too late.

* * *

The sadistic part of Lena thinks the terrorist is lucky that Dreamer is the one to suppress him. She hears the news as soon as she walks into the DEO, and she’s just a little disappointed she couldn’t contribute to his downfall. Her priority is elsewhere though, and she makes her way through the halls without stopping for anyone.

She runs into Alex right as her phone rings.

Alex slowly lowers her own phone when she spots Lena, tapping it to cut off the dialing.

“Lena!” she says with tired relief. “I was just calling you.”

Something in her eyes shifts, and somehow her gaze is simultaneously more piercing yet more gentle.

“Supergirl is awake,” Alex says. “She’s been asking for you. She wants to talk to you. Alone.”

“Thank you,” Lena replies curtly.

She still hasn’t decided what to think of Alex and the rest of their friends. _Your friends have been lying to you from the start_ , Lex had said. _They mocked you. Humiliated you. Betrayed you. Every last one._

And maybe he’s right. Maybe she truly is alone in this world. Maybe all the kindness and support from the past few years have been nothing from a facade. Maybe everything Kara ever told her was just part of this act, part of this game.

But maybe he’s wrong. There’s still that tiny blip of hope, that small fragment of faith peeking through the storm of fury and anguish clouding her heart. Lena knows who put it there, who planted that seed of trust— _love_.

It’s Kara, after all. It’s always Kara.

Kara looks as tired as Lena feels when she finally walks into the room where the Girl of Steel rests. There’s a distinct weight in the way she regards Lena though, and neither say a word as Lena takes a seat next to the bed.

Kara sighs.

“I have something important to tell you,” she says, repeating her text message. “I… I don’t want to wait until it’s too late or… until I don’t get a chance to tell you anymore.”

 _It’s already too late_ , Lena thinks, but she says nothing. Instead, she waits.

“I love you,” Kara says quietly. “Whatever you may think of me later, please just remember that, okay?”

“What are you going to tell me?” Lena asks, ignoring Kara’s plea.

Kara visibly breathes in and then out. Then she speaks.

“I am Kara Danvers. And I am Supergirl.”

There’s no magical weight lifted off Lena’s shoulder. In fact, it feels heavier than ever, a burden that only seems to grow in size. The endlessly warring beasts of exhaustion and anger begin their battle inside the arena of her mind again, and she doesn’t bother restraining the spiteness that leaks into her reply.

“Lex already told me,” she says. “He told me after I shot him. He told me before he died.”

Kara’s eyes widen in shock before her face suddenly twists with pain.

“I’m sorry,” she says, her voice suddenly shaking in a way Lena has never heard before. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

Lena clenches her fist on her lap.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Kara turns away.

“How could I?”

It’s a faint whisper that Lena’s not sure she’s meant to hear, but it’s these words that finally break the seal barely holding her feelings inside.

“How could you?” Lena repeats, incredulous and infuriated. “Do you know how much it hurts to have your brother call you a fool and to know that he’s right? Do you have any idea how much it hurts to realize the people you care about have been lying to you? Do you have any idea how painful it is to think you’ve finally found friends, finally found _family_ , only to find out it was all a lie?”

Lena’s aware that her volume is increasing with each subsequent word she’s flinging out, but at this point it doesn’t matter anymore. Kara flinches, and it actually brings Lena a warped sense of satisfaction, fueling her anger as she unleashes her rage.

“My best friend has lied to me for _years_ ,” Lena states harshly. “You lied to me for so long, telling me things like you believe in me, you have faith in me, you trust me, you _love_ me, when all along you never did.”

“I do love you,” Kara suddenly says, turning back to Lena with tears in her eyes. Her voice is hoarse, and the utter defeat and resignation in her words stop Lena in her tracks. “I love you,” Kara repeats. “I care about you so much… and that’s why I couldn’t tell you. I never wanted to hurt you. I never wanted to see you hurt. And I just… I didn’t know how to tell you in a way that wouldn’t hurt.”

“It was always going to hurt, wasn’t it?” Lena points out bitterly.

“... I’m sorry.”

For a minute or two, there’s silence. Lena then sighs, the wind taken out of her sails and her anger temporarily abated only to be replaced with the ever-present fatigue that’s been dogging her steps since her brother died.

“Do you hate me now?” Kara asks quietly.

Lena glances over to where Kara’s staring at the ceiling. Kara’s hands are fists, she notices, gripping the bed sheets so tightly to the point where her knuckles have turned white.

Lena sighs again.

“I don’t,” she admits. “I don’t hate you.”

“Thank you,” Kara says, and it’s with such relieved earnesty that Lena can’t help but welcome the familiar warmth slowly seeping into her chest.

“I’m still mad at you though,” Lena reminds them both.

“I know,” Kara nods. “I promise I’ll make it up to you.”

Lena allows herself a small smile, one that immediately brings a flicker of happiness to Kara’s eyes. Slowly, tentatively, she reaches for her friend’s hand, cautiously entrusting her heart to Kara one last time.

“Please, no more secrets?” Lena begs. “I really… Please, don’t let me have to go through something like this again, especially from you.”

“No more secrets,” Kara assures her, tightening her grip on Lena. “I promise.”

With that vow, Lena finds the key to the cell where her anguish resides. As Kara gently brushes her thumb over the back of Lena’s hand, she turns the key, locking away her pain for now. It still hisses at her, clawing at her through the bars of its prison, threatening to rip its way out of her ribcage, but her defenses hold.

“We should probably talk soon,” Lena murmurs. “About me, about you… about us, about a lot of things.”

Kara smiles softly.

“We have time,” she says. “We’ll make time, won’t we?”

“We will,” Lena agrees.

“And... Lena?”

“Yes?”

“I love you,” Kara states once again, her voice resolute. “I mean it when I say it now, and I meant it every time I said it before.”

A small lump grows in Lena’s throat. Forcing it down, she nods.

“I believe you.”

“And remember,” Kara continues. “I have always been on your side, and I always will be.”

“Always?”

“Always.”

“Even if I keep one last secret from you?”

Kara blinks, and Lena almost wants to laugh from how easily her taunt worked. It’s actually the truth, however, so she doesn’t feel half as bad as she should when Kara continues staring in shock.

“Even then,” Kara affirms quickly, regaining her bearings faster than Lena expected. “... It’s not a really bad thing though, is it?”

“It’s not,” Lena chuckles, showing Kara some mercy. “It’s just a small thing, nothing to worry about.”

“Then I’ll wait until you want to tell me,” Kara decides.

“That might be never,” Lena warns. “I might just take it to my grave.”

“Nah,” Kara says dismissively. “I think you’ll tell me someday.”

“What makes you so sure of that?”

Kara tilts her head knowingly, endearingly.

“I trust you,” she says simply. “And I hope that one day you’ll trust me enough too.”

Lena smiles.

“Maybe,” she concedes. “Maybe.”

* * *

Kara’s right in the end.

It takes almost an entire year for Lena to confess, a year filled with tears and pain as old wounds are reopened to be stitched together properly. There’s also plenty of laughter and joy, natural results of the growth and healing Lena found the courage to believe in. It may have been too late for certain things, Lena acknowledges, but it wasn’t too late for _them_.

True to her words, Kara has remained by her side. She’s with her even now, the two of them sitting atop L-Corp to stargaze.

“Can I tell you my secret now?” Lena asks.

“You can tell me whenever,” Kara replies. “You don’t ever have to tell me if you really don’t want to.”

“I want to,” Lena says. “I think I’ve always wanted to.”

Kara smiles warmly. She extends her hand, an open invitation. Of course, Lena takes it, placing her heart in Kara’s palm.

Lena takes a deep breath.

“I’m in love with you,” she says.

And Kara kisses her.

**Author's Note:**

> fromanothersun.tumblr.com


End file.
